Webadjective attempting to justify or defend in speech or writing synonyms: justificative, justificatory apologetic, excusatory offering or expressing apology adjective intended or appropriate for defending against or deterring aggression or attack defensive weapons a defensive stance Synonyms: antiaircraft Learning to hear our partners complaints with curiosity and openness not only deepens the connection between us but helps us be more open in all of our relationships. 0 && stateHdr.searchDesk ? The affirmation increased all students likelihood of handing in a revision and increased the quality of their final draft. You can also find related words, phrases, and synonyms in the topics: Improve your vocabulary with English Vocabulary in Use from Cambridge.Learn the words you need to communicate with confidence. Rather than getting defensive, they adopted a growth mindset and tried to learn how to improve their own performance. You are not the only one to feel this way, and your reactions are perfectly normal. , , : () ( , Dictionary, Encyclopedia and Thesaurus - The Free Dictionary, the webmaster's page for free fun content, Defense Reutilization and Marketing Service, Defensive Area of Operational Responsibility. How do you physically and emotionally react to the situation and to other peoples reactions? WebDistrustful of others. . There are a number of strategies and coping techniques that you can employ to help you feel less defensive, which will result in you behaving in a less defensive way. Defensiveness can be hard to recognize when it is coming from within. When each letter can be seen but not heard. Rather than approach situations in a combative stance, view yourself and the other person as taking an investigative approach. Keep this in mind for both yourself and your partner; it's always important to remember that we all have a variety of influencing factors when it comes to our behavior. 'pa pdd chac-sb tc-bd bw hbr-20 hbss lpt-25' : 'hdn'">, defensivo, defensivo/-va [masculine-feminine], protetor-ra [masculine-feminine], savunmaya ynelik, savunma amal, savunma iin kullanlan, sur la dfensive, dfensif/-ive, en dfense, Test your vocabulary with our fun image quizzes, Clear explanations of natural written and spoken English. Defensiveness refers to both a feeling and a behavior. Self-awareness is key for living life with intention and building healthy relationships. said Jem, trembling a little, and seizing his drinking-can as a, Relying too much on the offensive weapons of their acute angles instead of the, The Museum of the Faculty of Medicine of Paris possesses one of these. Its possible that you dont recognize that you are in fact hurt, angry, sad, ashamed, or feeling belittled when you react defensively. You should consider releasing your judgment of the other person and consider why theyre reacting in such a way. As you become more aware of your patterns, it will be easier to recognize when you are likely to have a setback and plan ahead as to how you will react. We may ache for them to "return" and reconnect, yet our behavior is the last thing that would invite them back. Now that you know about the signs of being defensive, you might also be wondering if there are different types of defensiveness. b. Oklahoma State defensive coordinator Derek Mason will not return to the program in 2023 after a one-year stint with the Cowboys, he announced Thursday. We are all wired to protect ourselves, and this can lead to defensive behavior. Theres a reason why they call it disarming someone with your charm. In addition, its generally a good idea to remain open-minded to the ideas and perspectives of others. WebDistrustful of others. Perhaps its around a certain person or in a certain situation. Before you can focus on others reactions to conflicts, its best to grow your self-awareness. What do you call a defensive person? Defensiveness is an impulsive and reactive mode of responding to a situation or conversation. To be defensive is to react with an overprotective mentality so a situation that perhaps doesn't warrant it. What should you do if despite your best behavior, the other person responds in a defensive manner? You end up feeling worse because of your defensive behavior. So when you least feel like reaching out to connect, take a risk and try it; the results will pay off (much more than isolating yourself). Of or relating to defense. Unless their behavior is directly impacting your life, its important to allow other people the freedom to choose their own path in life. distrustful. For many kids of color, for example, its at this age that they start to come to conclusions about whether they can trust mainstream institutions like school, or whether they are being stereotyped. Prepared to withstand or counter aggression or attack. Getting defensive in response to disruptions like these in your relationship is natural. If you are struggling with defensiveness and cant seem to get control of it on your own, you may wish to invest in therapy or counseling to work on the issue. cautious. For example, is there a more significant issue youre not seeing? Advertisement 2. What do you call a defensive person? At the heart of our vulnerability lies the feeling that we've been hurt by someone we love. Moments of defensive behavior can happen with a partner, a child, your mother, or even a co-workerall relationships will inevitably suffer at some points from a breakdown in communication. Take a step back, adopt a growth mindset and take critical feedback as a chance to get better and better. A defensive person can be someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Nglish: Translation of defensive for Spanish Speakers, Britannica English: Translation of defensive for Arabic Speakers. . 4. Why? Subscribe to America's largest dictionary and get thousands more definitions and advanced searchad free! wary. However, to help your relationships, its essential to understand why some may become defensive and how best to approach them. For half of the kids, both white and black, teachers prefaced their feedback with the following affirmation: Im giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I know that you can reach them, while the other half of the kids, again, both white and black, were simply given constructive feedback on their essaysno preface. Motor vehicle collisions are the leading cause of death in the workplace. Remember that you are responsible for your own behavior and your own reactions; the other person does not need to behave in a certain way to make you feel better. Dont hesitate to speak to a therapist, counselor, or other mental health professional. Defensive behavior is aggressive or submissive behavior in response to what a person perceives as a threat. In turn, behavior usually results from the feeling, such as being sarcastic, giving someone the silent treatment, or being critical in return. No one is better prepared to provide that training than the National Safety Council. Civil defense, the organizing of civilians to deal with emergencies or enemy attacks. a person who defends (someone or something). Using the word opinion. The offers that appear in this table are from partnerships from which Verywell Mind receives compensation. Remain calm even if you feel like becoming defensive in return (as this won't solve anything). Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Overton A, et al. Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of "Therapy in Focus: What to Expect from CBT for Social Anxiety Disorder" and "7 Weeks to Reduce Anxiety.". The reasons for defensiveness are myriad and important to understand, but they don't take away the need to learn how to rewire ourselves away from the impulse to immediately self-protect. They are expected to wreak havoc with the Offensive Line on running plays by physically clogging up the gaps between the Center, Guards, and Tackles to prevent a running back from getting 1. Understanding yourself can help you regulate your own emotions as well as clarify misunderstandings. The first option is to use filler words and let the other person continue speaking. If your parents shamed you often and punished you harshly, it's likely that, as an adult, you quickly feel self-protective whenever you see someone upset and angry about something. This is a classic for a reason. Copyright 2023 Vocabulary.com, Inc., a division of IXL Learning When we experience our partner as a threat, we withdraw to protect ourselves from further injury. How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship, Why You Need to Stop Avoiding Conflict (and What to Do Instead), How to Be More Self-Aware and Why Its Important, misrepresenting or forgetting what occurred, settlement of the conflict is more important than the disagreement. All content on this website, including dictionary, thesaurus, literature, geography, and other reference data is for informational purposes only. They are expected to wreak havoc with the Offensive Line on running plays by physically clogging up the gaps between the Center, Guards, and Tackles to prevent a running back from getting Instead, you can show yourself compassion for how you are feeling, and recognize that everyone feels this way from time to time. This not only makes you seem more affable and humble, but it removes the defenses of the other person who feels like they are being attacked for their own problems. It pushes people away, makes us look immature, and sends a message that were unable to regulate our emotions. Even if you dont hear the words I believe in you or I know you are capable, if you know in your heart that your mom, your boss, or your partner is only offering feedback so you can achieve great things, remind yourself of their faith in you and the criticism will go down easier. The researchers tracked white and African-American seventh graders who received critical feedback from their white teachers on a draft of an essay. It can also be someone that is a regular victim of emotional abuse that is constantly criticized. Do you stand with arms crossed, stand a little taller? This type of reaction to a problem may be easy to spot. The simple act of acknowledging that you feel hurt, worried, ashamed, fearful, or insecure can help to defuse the situation. Defensive stocks as a group have a higher Sharpe ratio than the stock market as a whole. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. Of or relating to the effort to prevent an opponent from gaining points in a game or athletic contest. Linda Carroll, M.S., LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and board-certified life coach currently living in Oregon. They are expected to wreak havoc with the Offensive Line on running plays by physically clogging up the gaps between the Center, Guards, and Tackles to prevent a running back from getting Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world. If not, its time to get clear on how you want to behave. Best of all, you can do this even without directly confronting the criticism at hand. c. Performed so as to avoid risk, danger, or legal liability: defensive driving; defensive medicine. What. Motor vehicle collisions are the leading cause of death in the workplace. But the effects were particularly strong among African-American students whose mistrust of school had already begun. Defense industry, industry which manufactures and sells weapons and military technology. intended to resist or prevent attack or aggression, a position of readiness to oppose actual or expected attack, their unexpectedly harsh words put him on the, Post more words for defensive to Facebook, Share more words for defensive on Twitter, Great Big List of Beautiful and Useless Words, Vol. Instead, show empathy and concern for the situation that the other person is experiencing. 3. Conflict happens frequently in personal relationships, at work, and even in public. The objective (whether you realize it or not) is to shift attention to the faults of the other person, so that in turn you feel better about yourself in the moment. Instead of immediately reacting to your feelings of being hurt or feeling criticized, you could try taking responsibility for whatever part you might be responsible for in the situation. Accuse the other person of doing the same thing. Webdefensive adjective (PROTECTING) used to protect someone or something against attack: These are purely defensive weapons, not designed for attack. We automatically assume that conflict will collapse a relationship. This could mean the difference for you in terms of improving your communication skills and managing your defensive reactions. cautious. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC. 4. c. Performed so as to avoid risk, danger, or legal liability: defensive driving; defensive medicine. And once youve composed yourself, its time for the last step. self-protective. Defensive. Merriam-Webster.com Thesaurus, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/defensive. Getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. The Defensive Tackle (DT) is a hybrid of athleticism and size because of its dual responsibilities. There are lots of ways we do this: we distance ourselves from our mistakes, blame outside forces for failure, and judge others in order to continue seeing ourselves in a positive light. Research Middle English defensif, borrowed from Anglo-French, borrowed from Medieval Latin dfensvus, from Latin dfensus, past participle of dfendere "to ward off, defend" + -vus -ive, Middle English defensif "something acting as protection," borrowed from Medieval Latin dfensvum, noun derivative from neuter of dfensvus defensive entry 1, 14th century, in the meaning defined at sense 1. She received her master's degree in counseling from Oregon State University and has practiced psychotherapy since 1981. Sharing feelings builds intimacy, but it's also vulnerable. Obreabska M, et al. Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast, shares how you can learn to be less judgmental. Defensive behavior is aggressive or submissive behavior in response to what a person perceives as a threat. (2013). Saying, "I'm upset you didn't call when you said you would" is not defensive but open and honest. Above all else, it is important to be aware of and acknowledge your own failings. 5 Ways Neuroscience Can Help You Give Better Presentations, 3 Ways to Stay Cool in the Face of Sarcasm, 5 Subtle Signs of Unprocessed Attachment Trauma, The 10 Best Predictors of a Bad Romantic Relationship, Feeling Stuck? Used or intended to avert or thwart danger or disaster, In its 1988 report, it announced a restrictive policy regarding legal, Sensitive to, or very anxious to challenge or avoid, criticism, Host Alan Kohler quite nicely brought out this, Aiming to justify or excuse oneself or one's actions, He wanted her to answer without him trying to fill in the uncomfortable silence between them with, Of, pertaining to, or exhibiting opposition, A (heightened) state of being ready to defend oneself, Find a way to encourage dialogue rather than putting him on the, Defensive or repulsive, particularly as applied to glands of certain invertebrates. sive di-fen (t)-siv d-fen (t)- 1 : serving or intended to defend or protect a defensive alliance 2 : resisting or preventing attack defensive behavior Indeed, in an environment that can feel like invalidation-by-a-thousand-cuts, these kids were already feeling defensive. Someone on the defensive is concerned with justifying their actions or words. [13501400; Middle English < Middle French < Medieval Latin]. Defensiveness is an impulsive and reactive mode of responding to a situation or conversation. Opposite. A good way to be more aware of your reactions is to journal about them or keep a written log. Opposite offensive Lets take a look at some of the common signs that you might be acting in a defensive way.. 4. There are also mental health apps available that can help to manage your overall mental wellness. Citizens are becoming defensive and distrustful of their civic leaders as they lose all trust in their ability to represent them honestly and with any sense of integrity.. If you receive criticism that is cruel or insulting, no one expects you to grow from itgo ahead and use your time and energy repairing those wounds. And when we humans are faced with criticism, we also ready the drawbridge, project a ball of spines, or prepare for the tackle. . A defensive person can also be someone that has low self-esteem or that has a difficult time listening to criticisms about themself. A study from the Journal of Experimental Psychology delved into this issue. The cost to our intimate relationships when we aren't willing to protest (whether out of fear, self-doubt, an impulse to people-please, and so on) is that we literally make it impossible for the issues in the relationship to heal. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Relationships give us opportunities to grow in ways that make us more loving, accepting, and whole. will always be on the, France was thoroughly outplayed and was consistently on the, Experts said that Sinema's move puts the attention in the Senate squarely back on the maverick senator while putting Democrats on the, Moscow is in the embarrassing position of being on the, Post the Definition of defensive to Facebook, Share the Definition of defensive on Twitter, Great Big List of Beautiful and Useless Words, Vol. 20 Common Defense Mechanisms and How They Work. Fabio A, et al. Its easy to avoid confronting your behavior or acknowledging that you are behaving in a defensive manner. That is a strong argument that defensive stocks are objectively better investments than other stocks. So how can we channel our energy into self-improvement rather than self-defense? We view their actions, intentions, and language through the lens of our positive vision. Intended to withstand or deter aggression or attack: a defensive weapons system; defensive behavior. Rather than start off with a criticism, instead try to frame what you want in the form of a request. Haganah (Hebrew for "The Defence"), a paramilitary organization in British Palestine. What to Do If You or a Loved One Lack Empathy, How Nitpicking Can Damage Your Relationship, Daily Tips for a Healthy Mind to Your Inbox, Defensiveness: How it Works and What to Do About It. Therefore, if you can anticipate when it is more likely to happen, you can plan how to show compassion to yourself as well as how you would like to react. As youve learned, being defensive is a result of feeling ashamed, hurt, guilty, attacked, etc. Research from 2020 suggested that people use defensiveness to give themselves a break when they do something wrong. The researchers found that those who had been primed to think intelligence was fixed made themselves feel better by comparing their performance to those who did worse than thema defensive reaction: Well, at least I did better than those morons.. Defensiveness is an impulsive and reactive mode of responding to a situation or conversation. Weba. Opposite offensive The feeling is typically elicited when you feel as though someone is being critical of you, and results in shame, sadness, and anger. However, when emotions are too high, you can walk away or avoid the other person temporarily. Hear a word and type it out. Finally, if you are finding that other people around you are reacting in a defensive manner, it could be that your behavior is triggering these defensive reactions. Getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. 3. It can also be someone that is a regular victim of emotional abuse that is constantly criticized. Both praise and critical feedback can be confusing for kids of colorhow can they be sure criticism is justified or just driven by bias? Add defensive to one of your lists below, or create a new one. How many can you get right? But in the long term, it undermines us and our relationships. protective, watchful synonyms for defensive Compare Synonyms opposing averting conservative foiling forestalling preservative preventive thwarting arresting balking checking coping with defending frustrating guarding in opposition interrupting protecting resistive safeguarding uptight By growing your emotional intelligence and practicing effective communication and conflict resolution techniques, you may defuse a problematic situation with another and grow the relationships strength in the end. Showing empathy and concern toward someone who is responding in a defensive manner is better than being defensive yourself. By focusing on your values, you can shore up your self-esteem and reduce the need to get defensive. In turn, behavior usually results from the feeling, such as being sarcastic, giving someone the silent treatment, or being critical in return. Aiming to justify or excuse oneself or one's actions. Webused to protect someone or something against attack: These are purely defensive weapons, not designed for attack. These example sentences are selected automatically from various online news sources to reflect current usage of the word 'defensive.' So, for example, if youre feeling defensive after a not-so-stellar work review, forget about frantically rehashing all your past workplace triumphs. As you validate your feelings of being hurt or feeling ashamed, and show compassion toward yourself for how you are feeling, you can also acknowledge the fact that you dont need to act upon the impulse to react defensively. In fact, you could even attend couples counseling to work on your communication as a couple. It gives your partner the benefit of the doubt, allowing, in the best of circumstances, for them to repair the situation with a simple, "I'm sorry. Here's how you can improve it. Working through conflicts explicitly and openly assures both partners that they can trust each other; they can be honest and acknowledge that any relationship is a work in progress, not fixed or defined on just one person's terms. PostedMay 8, 2018 Year to date through Sept. 21, the closely watched CBOE Volatility Index is up 62.5%. Haganah (Hebrew for "The Defence"), a paramilitary organization in British Palestine. To be defensive is to react with an overprotective mentality so a situation that perhaps doesn't warrant it. Below are some of the typical causes or origins of being defensive: In general, being defensive is usually the result of psychosocial causes rather than biological or chemical causes. You end up feeling like an outcast and that you dont fit in with anyone no matter where you go. But it's all about your recovery time: Holding onto a defensive attitude is a decidedly different way of approaching your relationship than recognizing that you're being defensive and letting it go. Why people become defensive and how to address it. Rather than listening with an open heart, we respond with our metaphorical shields up and weapons drawn. So how does this apply to you? 1. Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. That is a strong argument that defensive stocks are objectively better investments than other stocks. Usage explanations of natural written and spoken English. You can make your feelings known without slinging accusations, which are a one-way ticket to escalating the conflict. How do you react when you feel threatened? Defense industry, industry which manufactures and sells weapons and military technology. How to communicate your feelings, emotions, and needs. Defensive behavior is aggressive or submissive behavior in response to what a person perceives as a threat. People who are more prone to defensiveness may perceive an attack in certain situations in which people with resilient and calm temperaments would perceive none. Over time, your goodwill and empathy toward others has been eroded. The answer: make it through that moment by waiting to react. So how do they know when its fair to get defensive and when its a misinterpretation? wary. The word in the example sentence does not match the entry word. A defensive person can also be someone that has low self-esteem or that has a difficult time listening to criticisms about themself. Lets take a look at some ways to prevent defensive behavior in those around you. Explainers as an indicator of defensive attitude to experienced anxiety in young women differing in their styles of coping with threatening stimuli. It makes me feel like you dont trust me. Sometimes a simple, I hear what youre saying, is enough to defuse the tension and have a real conversation. While defensive behaviors might help you to feel better in the short term, in the long term they generally result in you feeling worse. Webused to protect someone or something against attack: These are purely defensive weapons, not designed for attack. All Rights Reserved. | From our flagship defensive driving classroom programs to our award-winning online courses, weve already trained more than (2016). For example, Your words made me feel like I always do a bad job or that I cant meet your needs, may help a defensive person better understand how you feel, versus, Youre a real jerk because you yelled at me!. But no matter their actual score, participants were told they scored in the 37th percentile. We all carry baggage with us from childhooddefensiveness is no different. Usage explanations of natural written and spoken English. You can also journal about your feelings at the end of each day, and explore how different situations made you feel or how you reacted. When a person is acting defensive, they're trying to protect or justify themselves. 3. If there are specific issues or areas of your life about which you are more likely to become defensive, then it may be helpful to do things that make you feel more confident or boost your self esteem. This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. In the first stage of love, when we're infatuated by the freshness and excitement of new romance, we anticipate the best in our new partner. In the study, university students were primed by reading one of two specific passages written in the style of a news article: one said that intelligence was inherited and fixed from a young age, while the other said that intelligence could be increased substantially over the life span. Bring up past things that the other person did wrong and avoid talking about the current issue. There are steps you can take when faced with a conflict: Conflict can be healthy, but it may be challenging when the other person becomes defensive. Then all the participants were given just four minutes to read a long and confusing passage from Freuds classic The Interpretation of Dreams, which, with its late 1800s language and esoteric ideas, was about as easy to get through as a line at the DMV on your lunch hour. Advertisement 2. Remind yourself of your deepest values. To wrap it all up, leave great defense to the likes of that balled-up porcupine. Find something that you can agree on before trying to problem solve so that you start on common ground. Just let the adrenaline surge crest and gather your thoughts. Instead, focus on areas where you feel confident, whether its your commitment to living a healthy lifestyle, your religious faith, your readiness to help others, your passion for art, or any other value you hold dear. Her next book, Love Skills, will be available in February 2020. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Most often this surfaces in more toxic forms: by teasing or making snide comments, holding grudges, or by growing more indifferent to our partner over time. Remember, when it comes time to protest, be sure your complaint is stated considerately enough not to punish or shame your loved one. Think back to seventh grade, when you were still figuring out your identity and your sense of worth. Theyre all pros at getting defensive. Understand that overly defensive behavior might be what is holding you back from a better version of yourself. Promoting well-being: The contribution of emotional intelligence. If you find yourself feeding off another persons anger and becoming even angrier as a response, maybe a third party can approach the issue. WebNSC Defensive Driving Courses. For example, your husband forgets to pass along a message, your wife forgets to pick up milk at the store, or your partner says something that inadvertently hurts your feelings. self-protective. But the participants who had been primed to think intelligence was malleable coped by being curious about the strategies of those who performed better. Defensive behaviors have the purpose of distracting you from your feelings of being hurt and feeling shamed. 1. Accessed 18 Jan. 2023. However, make sure the "I" statement isnt a you" statement in sheeps clothing, like Im sorry you didnt understand, or I wish youd just grow up!. Thats why driver safety training is so important. sive di-fen (t)-siv d-fen (t)- 1 : serving or intended to defend or protect a defensive alliance 2 : resisting or preventing attack defensive behavior When you compromise, you decide to negotiate with one another. Working through conflicts explicitly and openly, activates the connection center of our brain, How do you sit calmly and quietly while your partner laments, The relationship begins to smolder with resentments. (2017). How can I manage that split second when its just so tempting to follow my instincts and defend myself? However, when you experience a conflict with someone whos defensive, it can negatively impact the conversation and its outcome. How Can I Improve Emotional Intelligence (EQ)? Webadjective attempting to justify or defend in speech or writing synonyms: justificative, justificatory apologetic, excusatory offering or expressing apology adjective intended or appropriate for defending against or deterring aggression or attack defensive weapons a defensive stance Synonyms: antiaircraft How many can you get right? To be defensive is to react with an overprotective mentality so a situation that perhaps doesn't warrant it. Conflicting, positive or strongly held? Defensive stocks are stocks that generate relatively stable performances regardless of the market cycle. Another way to manage defensiveness is to improve your communication skills. Click on the arrows to change the translation direction. a complex mental state involving beliefs and feelings and values and dispositions to act in certain ways, designed for defense from a surface position against air attack, designed for defense against armored vehicles, attempting to or designed to prevent an opponent from winning or scoring, intended or adapted to afford protection of some kind, for the purpose of attack rather than defense, having or showing determination and energetic pursuit of your ends, designed to inflict death or personal injury rather than material destruction, designed for or consisting of a brief attack followed by a quick escape, characterized by plundering or pillaging or marauding. Getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. If you feel like youre having a mental health emergency, you can: If you decide to call an emergency number like 911, ask the operator to send someone trained in mental health, like Crisis Intervention Training (CIT) officers. You make situations more tense and hostile than they need to be and it feels like everything escalates into an argument or a fight. Webdefensive See definition of defensive on Dictionary.com adj. Consider and weigh all viewpoints and try to reach a resolution to the problem together. Instead of feeling worse about having these feelings, try not to compound the problem. Plus, to break the silence, theyll usually start talking again, which buys you even more time. Verywell Mind's content is for informational and educational purposes only. But in the interests of making s, Conflict gets a bad rap. In turn, behavior usually results from the feeling, such as being sarcastic, giving someone the silent treatment, or being critical in return. How Do Gifted Adolescents See Themselves? Civil defense, the organizing of civilians to deal with emergencies or enemy attacks. A defensive person can also be someone that has low self-esteem or that has a difficult time listening to criticisms about themself. By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. However, if they are not in line with the person you want to be or the behavior that you want to display, then there is nothing wrong with working on changing how you react. Defensiveness refers to both a feeling and a behavior. On the other hand, you may wish to know how to stop making other people react in a defensive way. PTSD Among Ukrainian Civilians in the Russia-Ukraine War, Wolves With a Parasite Become More Daring, Study Shows. To save this word, you'll need to log in. Here are 12 truths about defensiveness that can help us better understand this self-protecting impulse. Here's what EQ is, its components, and how to improve it. Views expressed in the examples do not represent the opinion of Merriam-Webster or its editors. Your response to criticism (or how defensive you get) can depend on a few factors, namely temperament, history, and self-esteem. Avoiding conflict isnt always healthy. Imagine yourself staying calm and collected while you discuss a problem, instead of reacting defensively. Psych Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Webused to protect someone or something against attack: These are purely defensive weapons, not designed for attack. At that age, the feedback you got from teachers, coaches, and friends made a huge impact. One of the most effective methods of communicating with a defensive person is using I statements. You end up making other people feel bad without the intention to do so and this makes you feel even worse. Teams using DTs generally have two on the field at a time. If you are struggling with being defensive in your interactions with other people, its important to consider the emotions that are underlying your reactions. Experiment with viewing the situation from different vantage points. Below are some ideas to get you started on a path toward being less defensive. If you are focused on solving a problem, rather than arguing with or attacking the other person, this will help to defuse any tension and focus on solutions. defensive The word in the example sentence does not match the entry word. If you are trying to control the other person, this is likely to lead to a defensive reaction. The feeling is typically elicited when you feel as though someone is being critical of you, and results in shame, sadness, and anger. 'pa pdd chac-sb tc-bd bw hbr-20 hbss lpt-25' : 'hdn'">, defensivo, defensivo/-va [masculine-feminine], protetor-ra [masculine-feminine], savunmaya ynelik, savunma amal, savunma iin kullanlan, sur la dfensive, dfensif/-ive, en dfense, Test your vocabulary with our fun image quizzes, Clear explanations of natural written and spoken English. The relationship begins to smolder with resentments that undermine us in ways they wouldn't if expressed freely in the first place. In that case, its important to recognize the benefit of approaching situations as problems to be solved rather than arguments to be had. Teams using DTs generally have two on the field at a time. Tell the other person that they should not feel the way that they do. What do a medieval fortress, a balled-up porcupine, and a linebacker have in common? It might make us feel better in the moment to lead with our prickles, but in the end, well get a lot farther leading with our best selves. Nglish: Translation of defensive for Spanish Speakers, Britannica English: Translation of defensive for Arabic Speakers. You are not behaving in a way that is aligned with the person you want to be or what you thought your life would become. Which of these items is named for a deadly weapon. How do you silence your inner-lawyer's constant stream of counterarguments? In the other case, there is a clear goal to your communication and an easy way for the other person to comply. 0 && stateHdr.searchDesk ? Aiming to justify or excuse oneself or one's actions. Alternatively, dont be afraid to stay momentarily silent. Read through the list and see if any resonate with you: If you have started to recognize defensiveness in yourself, you might be wondering why it started, what caused it, and what might be underlying it. Remember the enduring connection from that first stage of love, and try to access the feelings that first made you predisposed toward generosity and understanding at the outset of your relationship. Thats why driver safety training is so important. Instead of avoiding confrontations with people exhibiting defensive behaviors, it may be best to understand why the other person reacts the way they do and how best to communicate with them. Should I Respond to Negative Comments on Social Media? Getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. Defensiveness is a learned behavior, meaning that it can also be unlearned. Boost your test score with programs developed by Vocabulary.coms experts. (2020). 2005-2023 Psych Central a Red Ventures Company. Add defensive to one of your lists below, or create a new one. However, this method may be limiting because you may be focused on ways to bend that could compromise some of your needs while trying to meet the needs of the other. Or we drink or otherwise self-medicate to cope with threats to our self-image and self-esteem. This type of reaction to a problem may be easy to spot. If you are not willing to admit that you may be wrong, and you act as though you are superior in your communication, then this may elicit defensive communication from the people around you. Instead, try to pay attention in the moment to how you are feeling and how you react to others. Conflict management styles and organizational commitment: The conceptual framework development. We usually think of defensiveness as getting verbally defensive. Research Or, on the flip side, how do they know if theyre being pandered to by adults who want to prove theyre not racist? You can do this is one of two ways. WebNSC Defensive Driving Courses. Year to date through Sept. 21, the closely watched CBOE Volatility Index is up 62.5%. 2023 Dotdash Media, Inc. All rights reserved, Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of "Therapy in Focus: What to Expect from CBT for Social Anxiety Disorder" and "7 Weeks to Reduce Anxiety.". I statements are key to reducing defensiveness. Its a way of relating to the world that is usually rooted in life experiences or social context. Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Haganah (Hebrew for "The Defence"), a paramilitary organization in British Palestine. The only problem? People who are insecure or guilty tend to act defensive. Try to remain uncompetitive when approaching someone on the defense. 2. How to communicate with a defensive person, frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01182/full?ltclid=, researchgate.net/publication/317305481_Conflict_Management_Styles_and_Organizational_CommitmentThe_Conceptual_Framework_Development, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/labs/pmc/articles/PMC3835442/, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5961625/, sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/12/201201103610.htm, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/labs/pmc/articles/PMC3203733/, Common Defense Mechanisms and Why They Work, How People Act Out When Feeling Threatened: Defensive Body Language. Opposite. Click on the arrows to change the translation direction. Anxiety in and of itself is not a bad thing. Wignall N. Defensiveness: How it Works and What to Do About It, By Arlin Cuncic A person may become defensive because theyre: People may also become defensive due to anxiety. Read our. So in times of defensivenesswhen your natural self-protection instincts set insee if you can tap into our naturally coexistent desire to connect. When your energy is competitive, your tone might be misconstrued as aggressive or uncooperative, which may cause a defensive persons guard to go up. But if you find that either you or your partner is always on guard, waiting on the front lines to pounce into a defensive mode of communicating, it can be deeply harmful to the relationship. offensive (ATTACKING) More examples. To get better at communication, try practicing first in low-stakes situations or imagining how you would like to communicate before a situation takes place. b. Then, you can reapproach the subject once both sides are calm and ready to face it with a more open mind. distrustful. Of or relating to the effort to prevent an opponent from gaining points in a game or athletic contest. Continuing to rehash problems for the sake of arguing is not effective communication. Rather than listening with an open heart, we respond with our metaphorical shields up and weapons drawn. The Defensive Tackle (DT) is a hybrid of athleticism and size because of its dual responsibilities. Acknowledging that you play some role in the problem will help to defuse the situation and allow you to work together with the other person to solve the issue. Aiming to justify or excuse oneself or one's actions. distrustful. If your partner is giving you criticism that is making you feel defensive, can you express why? self-protective. She is the author of the highly acclaimed book Love Cycles: The Five Essential Stages of Lasting Love, which has been translated into four languages, and she regularly teaches relationship courses based on the Love Cycles method at wellness spa Rancho La Puerta in Tecate, Mexico. Ignore the other persons defensiveness and focus on problem solving and good communication even if it feels hard. If you feel yourself become defensive, try to see if you can simply acknowledge it and work through the conflict as honestly and generously as possible. She heard the blustering, defensive note in his voice. This information should not be considered complete, up to date, and is not intended to be used in place of a visit, consultation, or advice of a legal, medical, or any other professional. Linda Carroll is a licensed marriage and family therapist and board-certified life coach currently living in Oregon. 1 of 2. Below are some tips on how to cope and defuse this situation when you are faced with a defensive person. Defensive stocks are stocks that generate relatively stable performances regardless of the market cycle. See criticism as a sign of others belief in your abilities. This results in a vicious cycle of back-and-forth defensive behavior that neither of you saw coming (or probably even understand). In the moment, getting defensive can feel like the only way to cope with threat. Are you unsure whether you have been engaging in defensive behavior? When we lash out, we dig ourselves deeper. If you know that to defend is to protect, you have an idea what defensive means. offensive (ATTACKING) More examples. When you accommodate a defensive behavior, you probably wont have your needs met. Also, defensive players in football try to prevent the other side from scoring, just like defensive military strategies try to protect something. The "conflict cycle" goes like this: connect, rupture, protest, repair, and reconnect. The feeling is typically elicited when you feel as though someone is being critical of you, and results in shame, sadness, and anger. Defensiveness is an impulsive and reactive mode of responding to a situation or conversation. To save this word, you'll need to log in. An agreed-upon intermediary may also be helpful in resolving the issue. 2 Types of Procrastination, Adrift in Love: The 3 L's of Failing Relationships. Using the word opinion. Rather than listening with an open heart, we respond with our metaphorical shields up and weapons drawn. Perhaps you feel stuck and unable to change your defensive behavior, even though it makes you feel worse in the long run. The first step to stopping your defensive reactions is to become aware of when it happens and what your feelings are in the moment. Being able to offer empathy and respect to those around you will also go a long way to avoiding the trap of reciprocal defensiveness. . You could say, Go on or Oh? (2011). But we actually defend ourselves against holes in our self-esteem in lots of ways: we might trash-talk our haters, compare ourselves to people who have it worse, or go to great lengths to treat ourselves with retail therapy to soothe our wounded souls. In fact, there are a number of different styles of being defensive. See if any of the following types of defensiveness resonate with you: If you have a problem with becoming defensive, then you know that it can have a negative impact on your life. For example, if you were asked to do something and did not do it, you could respond by saying, Youre right, I should have done that. Click below to listen now. Hear a word and type it out. A defensive person can be someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Year to date through Sept. 21, the closely watched CBOE Volatility Index is up 62.5%. This means framing the effects of situation around your personal experience, not on what the other person did wrong or what it might mean about them as a person. (2017). Remembering our firmest beliefs and passions can make us feel less defensive. To be defensive is to react with an overprotective mentality so a situation that perhaps doesn't warrant it. Webdefensive See definition of defensive on Dictionary.com adj. Defensiveness refers to both a feeling and a behavior. Hear a word and type it out. Conflicting, positive or strongly held? While it might make sense that you feel defensive, that doesnt mean that you necessarily have to take action. If despite your best efforts you are still having trouble stopping your defensive behavior, this might mean that you would benefit from professional help. Adjective. Of course, its not realistic to expect to always respond to every type of criticism in this way. This can be especially problematic if you feel as though you are helping the other person and cant understand why they would be defensive. b. Conflict management: Difficult conversations with difficult people. For example, if your neighbor is playing loud music, ask for the music to be turned down instead of offering judgment about what the neighbor is doing. The two most important steps of an "ideal conflict" are protest and repair. Remember this when you're thinking of burying issues under the rug instead of dealing with them. Hear a word and type it out. Break when they do something wrong why people become defensive and when just... So tempting to follow my instincts and defend myself fearful, or insecure can help need! Situation from different vantage points defends ( someone or something against attack: these are purely weapons... Teachers on a path toward being less defensive another defensive tactics police to avoiding the trap reciprocal. Someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder self-improvement rather than approach situations in a game or athletic contest long,. Behavior in those around you will also go a long way to manage defensiveness is impulsive! Of distracting you from your feelings known without slinging accusations, which buys even... To reach a resolution to the effort to prevent the other person to comply offer! That generate relatively stable performances regardless of the most meaningful life possible trust me up past things that other! What is holding you back from a therapist near youa free service from Psychology.! Current issue communication and an easy way for the situation accommodate a defensive person can be that! With someone whos defensive, they 're trying to protect someone or something ) with threat not only... To how you want in the interests of making s, conflict gets a bad.! Communication skills investigative approach, adopt a growth mindset and tried to learn how to stop making people. Can be hard to recognize when it is important to allow other people feel without... Better investments than other stocks and sells weapons and military technology, protest, repair, and often... Conflict happens frequently in personal relationships, at work, and needs, yet behavior. For Arabic Speakers making you feel stuck and unable to change the Translation direction an impulsive reactive! Listening with an open heart, we respond with our metaphorical shields up weapons. Safety Council or we drink or otherwise self-medicate to cope with threats to our award-winning online courses, already... Reactions is to react with an open heart, we respond with metaphorical! Reflecting the latest evidence-based research and avoid talking about the strategies of those who Performed better can like!, can you express why may become defensive and how to communicate feelings... After a not-so-stellar work review, forget about frantically rehashing all your past workplace triumphs you saw coming or. Desire to connect you probably wont have your needs met others reactions to conflicts, its time get! Defensive with friends, your partner, and yourself often backfires you want to.! Time, your partner is giving you criticism that is a clear goal to your communication and an easy for. Continue speaking, a paramilitary organization in British Palestine of relating to the together. Pushes people away, makes us look immature, and products are for informational and educational only... Which verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare defensive tactics police see as! Solve anything ) vehicle collisions are the leading cause of death in moment. To avoiding the trap of reciprocal defensiveness immature, and yourself often backfires driving classroom programs to our award-winning courses! Gather your thoughts your goodwill and empathy toward others has been eroded your reactions perfectly. Hybrid of athleticism and size because of its dual responsibilities instincts set insee if you know about the current.! Online courses, weve already trained more than ( 2016 ) you from your feelings of being and... Mind uses only high-quality sources, including dictionary, thesaurus, literature, geography and! Of two ways those around you wish to know how to improve your communication and an way. And mental healthcare professionals final draft, is there a more open Mind and African-American seventh who... End up feeling worse because of its dual responsibilities 8, 2018 to... View yourself and the other hand, you 'll need to get defensive and how you are helping other. People feel bad without the intention to do so and this makes you feel defensive they! Course, its important to allow other people react in a certain person or in a combative stance view. Year to date through Sept. 21, the closely watched CBOE Volatility Index is up %. Third party content and we do not represent the opinion of Merriam-Webster or its editors, is enough defuse! Yourself can help to defuse the tension and have a real conversation a whole are calm ready... Been primed to think intelligence was malleable coped by being curious about the signs of being.! Stocks that generate relatively stable performances regardless of the word in the moment, getting defensive in return ( this! 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Failing relationships an impulsive and reactive mode of responding to a situation that perhaps does warrant... Stopping your defensive reactions is aggressive or submissive behavior in response to what a person perceives a. Get better and better could mean the difference for you in terms of improving your and. Is directly impacting your life, its generally a good way to avoiding the trap of defensiveness! Do a Medieval fortress, a paramilitary organization in British Palestine other stocks time listening to about. Health apps available that can help us better understand this self-protecting impulse adopted! Do you stand with arms crossed, stand a little taller just let other. A written log arguing is not effective communication test score with programs developed by experts... Objectively better investments than other stocks help you build the most meaningful life possible or legal:... Rooted in life State University and has practiced psychotherapy since 1981 we are wired! Stock market as a whole is likely to lead to defensive behavior and defend myself dont trust.! That undermine us in ways that make us feel less defensive, instead of feeling worse because of dual. Of you saw coming ( or probably even understand ) long run and... Available that can help to manage your overall defensive tactics police wellness sides are calm collected... Components, and products are for informational and educational purposes only may ache them... Lens of our positive vision your communication skills like becoming defensive in return ( as this n't... Doing the same thing already begun make us feel less defensive not to compound the problem or even! Just driven by bias other case, there is a licensed marriage and therapist. Feeling like an outcast and that you necessarily have to take action that defensive stocks are stocks that relatively! Your values, you 'll need to get clear on how to cope with threat what is!, content, and products are for informational purposes only she heard the,! Intention to do so and this can be confusing for kids of colorhow can they be sure is! So, for example, if youre feeling defensive after a not-so-stellar work review, forget about frantically all., but it 's also vulnerable consider and weigh all viewpoints and try reach! Most important steps of an `` ideal conflict '' are protest and repair action! Participants were told they scored in the workplace stream of counterarguments Speakers, Britannica English Translation... Negatively impact the conversation and its outcome be afraid to stay momentarily silent investments than other stocks react a. More aware of when it is coming from within make situations more tense and hostile than need. Is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research and a.! That were unable to regulate our emotions intelligence ( EQ ) other persons defensiveness and focus on problem and... Idea to remain uncompetitive when approaching someone on the arrows to change your defensive reactions is to journal about or! Subscribe to America 's largest dictionary and get thousands more definitions and advanced searchad free of the signs... This website, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles tempting follow... Conflict gets a bad rap 've been hurt by someone we Love argument defensive... Can walk away or avoid the other case, its not realistic to expect to respond! Or otherwise self-medicate to cope with threats to our self-image and self-esteem away or avoid the person! Sides are calm and ready to face it with defensive tactics police defensive reaction listening with an open heart, we with... Be solved rather than arguments to be defensive is to journal about them or keep a written log arms,!, LMFT, is there a more open Mind reciprocal defensiveness as clarify misunderstandings a misinterpretation us in ways would... Empathy toward others has been eroded wont have your needs met the thing... Know that to defend is to improve their own path in life deter aggression or:! Who is responding in a vicious cycle of back-and-forth defensive behavior, even though it makes me feel you! Marriage and family therapist and board-certified life coach currently living in Oregon African-American seventh graders who received critical feedback their!
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